♥ like how we used to;

Sunday, July 20, 2008

i think i finally know, what is it that i want le.

just give me one day, one day of your life, okays?

i promise i'll be more than contended.

i promise i wouldnt ask for more

and i promise i will never ever disturb you again.

that night i was praying to God

and my tears just fell on their own accord

when i told Him that i had enough le,

i dont want to continue with such a life anymore.

and i also told Him to ignore my prayers

if i do ever pray about such things in the future.

frankly speaking,

praying to God does help.

i dont know whether it works for you or not

but it does, for me.

of course not always but God did answer most of my prayers.

i used to think that as long as i continue praying,

God will be irritated by me one day

and thats when He would answer that prayer.

but i was wrong. even with God's help,

theres still a minimal amount of effort that you'll have to put in.

99% may be fate/ God's doing but 1% is your effort.

and this 1% can determine whether or not you can change the 99%.

sometimes i wonder whats the point

because all of our memories are only being kept by me.

i'd rather keep my Okinawa memories you know..

because frankly speaking,

even i myself dont remember most of them anymore.

they're just in bits and pieces.

where they'll come and go at times,

just like the wind.

its true that if you never try,

you'll never know the possible outcomes of the situation.

however, people often get together with the mindset that they will last.

if they know that they wouldnt last,

they will never have got together in the first place le, right?

but these people,

have they proven that their mindset was right?

no, none that i knew of did.

even i myself do not believe that my feelings for you

will last for an eternity you know.

because i dont and i never believed in forever.

sometimes i really regretted loving you,

regret the time spent getting to know and uds you.

because even after so many fucking long years,

i realised that actually,

you are not who i think you are.

i realised that actually,

i dont and have never understood you before.

i think ive something to confess,

one of the reasons why i love Okinawa so much

is because when im over there,

i dont have to entertain irritating people

whom i totally feel like ignoring.

i dont even have to feel bad for "ignoring" them

because theres just no way where i could contact them.

& thats why i love that place so much.

im like so out of contact with the world.

i can resist all temptations of talking and thinking

& i can just really enjoy life for once.

btw, do you know that in the game of harvest moon,

the character can choose to marry/ remain single?

and for the guys/ girls who qualify for your character to jio,

there will be a little heart whenever you talk to them.

as your r/s gets better with them,

the heart will turn colour

from black to red eventually.

and i realised that for some people,

when i talk to them for the first time,

their heart is already green/ purple.

(heart starts from black and ends at red)

whereas on the other hand,

i had to find the one whom ive set my mind in jioing everyday,

talk to him everyday,

before his heart slowly turns to blue, green and so on...

isnt this so like reality?

for some people, you dont even have to put in any effort.

and for some, you put in 101% effort also no use.

because you know what?

whats meant to be yours will be yours.

p.s. sorry for the wordy entry. ;x.

-end-

♥ 9:42 AM